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Yours Truly
Just about last Friday I missed out on alot of things. Many events such as my darling Shauna's Birthday. 5 Alpha class party. Sports Day( Urrgghhh). Choir. =.= This kinda sucks in a way everything that is good and awesome happens this month and I think Im gonna miss it all.
Im currently facing with alot of stuff. Having my grandma in a seriously ill stated verge of death condition just freaks me out. Sometimes I imagine getting the news on the phone that we have to head back to Kedah asap because we have to meet out grandma. And when I do, she'll be laying in the coffin as if she was sleeping not hearing our cries and our screams and terror. Im scared, I faced losing someone close already and I never wanted to go back to that path whereby I have to face all this hurtful craziness again.
Just last Friday after school, my parents and I rushed back to Kedah at about 3pm and reached at about 8 after that we headed to Penang to visit my grandma. That time was already 10 to 11pm close to 12. I was the first to rush up and see her.
It was scary. The hospital was a strange place for me to be at, I dont know where I was going. The roads were dark and the air was cold, everything was dull and sad. I found her room 234. She was there. Her bed facing the open door as if she was awaiting anyone that would come into the room to rescue her from her misery of being alone in the dark with four more other old women that was suffering with her. I knew she didnt like it there but I think knew better that it was for the better to maintain and control her condition.
I walked in and she was there. She couldnt make out who was standing at the door step and walking towards her. Until she could get her vision properly fixed she knew it was me. She called out to me with her hands streched out and her smile was wide. She didnt expect to see me, cos she thought our lives were too busy for her. I asked her '' Are you feeling fine?'' and she replied ''Yeah I'm feeling better, you didnt need to come visit''.
But I knew better I knew her days were numbered. But she didnt. She didnt know how bad her condition was. She didnt know that she was dying. She didnt know that anytime could be her last time. She was just happy. Happy to see her family, her grandsons and daughters to be there! Especially when she is sitting on the bed all alone when she thought darkness awaits her. She found herself peace. (no...not that sort of peace)
She knew one thing, her family was there for her. I think she sensed it though when I started tearing under her arms while she stroked my hair for the first time of my 16 years of life. I never felt so attached to her. It felt like she finally felt sentimental towards me. Like I was her daughter. It was a good feeling.....one that I dont wanna lose to death. I guess she knew that I oozing tears out so she jokingly told me (while stroking me hair) ''You have so much of hair, why dont you cut some out and give me some?''
Giggling wasnt an option but I managed one and reply with a smile '' I will if you get better''
After that I just wanted to spend my whole day with her. Or night it was even possible, I had the feeling that the nurse might just kick me out if they found out that I was sleeping on the same bed with her. It was too short.
According to the doctor, our normal heart rate is 60 but hers was from 10-20. Which means she could just go anytime. Im worried of course.
Yeap, I went there for 3 days to miss my darling Shauna's birthday! :( Im sorry dear. Will make it up to you. For now lets lay aside the unhappy part and celebrate my girls 17 Birthday!
Im currently facing with alot of stuff. Having my grandma in a seriously ill stated verge of death condition just freaks me out. Sometimes I imagine getting the news on the phone that we have to head back to Kedah asap because we have to meet out grandma. And when I do, she'll be laying in the coffin as if she was sleeping not hearing our cries and our screams and terror. Im scared, I faced losing someone close already and I never wanted to go back to that path whereby I have to face all this hurtful craziness again.
Just last Friday after school, my parents and I rushed back to Kedah at about 3pm and reached at about 8 after that we headed to Penang to visit my grandma. That time was already 10 to 11pm close to 12. I was the first to rush up and see her.
It was scary. The hospital was a strange place for me to be at, I dont know where I was going. The roads were dark and the air was cold, everything was dull and sad. I found her room 234. She was there. Her bed facing the open door as if she was awaiting anyone that would come into the room to rescue her from her misery of being alone in the dark with four more other old women that was suffering with her. I knew she didnt like it there but I think knew better that it was for the better to maintain and control her condition.
I walked in and she was there. She couldnt make out who was standing at the door step and walking towards her. Until she could get her vision properly fixed she knew it was me. She called out to me with her hands streched out and her smile was wide. She didnt expect to see me, cos she thought our lives were too busy for her. I asked her '' Are you feeling fine?'' and she replied ''Yeah I'm feeling better, you didnt need to come visit''.
But I knew better I knew her days were numbered. But she didnt. She didnt know how bad her condition was. She didnt know that she was dying. She didnt know that anytime could be her last time. She was just happy. Happy to see her family, her grandsons and daughters to be there! Especially when she is sitting on the bed all alone when she thought darkness awaits her. She found herself peace. (no...not that sort of peace)
She knew one thing, her family was there for her. I think she sensed it though when I started tearing under her arms while she stroked my hair for the first time of my 16 years of life. I never felt so attached to her. It felt like she finally felt sentimental towards me. Like I was her daughter. It was a good feeling.....one that I dont wanna lose to death. I guess she knew that I oozing tears out so she jokingly told me (while stroking me hair) ''You have so much of hair, why dont you cut some out and give me some?''
Giggling wasnt an option but I managed one and reply with a smile '' I will if you get better''
After that I just wanted to spend my whole day with her. Or night it was even possible, I had the feeling that the nurse might just kick me out if they found out that I was sleeping on the same bed with her. It was too short.
According to the doctor, our normal heart rate is 60 but hers was from 10-20. Which means she could just go anytime. Im worried of course.
Yeap, I went there for 3 days to miss my darling Shauna's birthday! :( Im sorry dear. Will make it up to you. For now lets lay aside the unhappy part and celebrate my girls 17 Birthday!
WE WENT TUITION TOGETHER
WE ANNOYED EACH OTHER
WE LOVE EACH OTHER
And....Of course... WE CAMWHORE!
To The Sexy Birthday Girl Shauna Voon! Happy Sexy Seventeen
I wish that everything would go well (finally) for you. Cos we've been there done that. And now its time to enjoy life to its fullest. You know what they ''Youre not seventeen forever'' Just enjoy and rock your fun out babe. Xoxo Superb Love to you hun!xoxo
tuning to:
