brought to you by,
Yours Truly.
Its been awhile since I actually blogged. Since I actually wrote about something. Because time has hardly stood still for me recently.
I met someone.
It was an experience that I wondered, what if it is a cycle again? I had enough jinx for a year now. Do I really want to risk this again? All those broken promises. How can I love when I am afraid to fall?
Maybe by letting your guard down you'd think that everything would be okay, because all we needed was a leap of faith. A leap of faith that might've just backfire on you anytime and hit you hard enough that you'd want to die.
I am afraid.
Its true.
I can never deny that because what I went through before was so horrible that the thought of just ending a life would seem so effortless. But what happened was, a single glimpse couldve brought so much to you as to where you fall. One step. I guess. Made it all happen. I have a very good friend by my side that would be by my side no matter what. I would love her for a thousand years and more.
Nothing has ever compared to this friendship, because she was so important that I could give my life to her. Thats how much I trust her. However, I am selfish enough to feel that it isnt enough.
I met you.
You were liken to a risk. A risk that I wasnt willing to take, as I knew the last time I took the risk and let this guard down I would just fall again. Fall into torns and an emotional roller coaster. Its true when you say "How can you love? When youre afraid to even fall?"
Truth is, isnt it just easier to stay alone? So that no one can hurt you? So that no one can know your weakness and use it against you? But you showed me, sometimes its okay to take that risk. Eventhough I have to be honest, I am always afraid as much as I am with you, so as long I am being myself and I let my guard down. However, fear has constantly keep me reminded to be keeping a distant from you. FEAR.
Fear.
What is fear? Some say its a weakness, some say its a warning, some says when you sense fear in you. Its liken to an alarm, telling you that you are in trouble or you should stay away.
Do I feel fear? Yes.
You dont need to understand what I am writing about, these are deep thoughts. As usual, writing verbosely would be the perfect way to express without telling too much of what your main point might be.
Feelings for someone may develop quickly as conversation strikes, common interest are shared, intriguing topics that pulls two of you together. And then it comes to one point. UNDERSTANDING.
I had always been this person that easily let someone into my life because I was THAT friendly and that warm and fuzzy. But recently this year I've met with so many that has opened my eyes to how some can be such a snake. Ironic how your parents taught you while you grow up to not trust someone so easily. The common saying " Dont Simply Talk To Strangers".
But thats how you one thing leads to another right. You start off with a stranger.
With looking at the person as just a blank paper, you get to know this person by talking to them and slowly this blank paper would be filled with info that you may know and describe of the person.
What am I talking about? No you wont understand.
Its just that I feel like crying now. And telling myself. Maybe. I should just give up. Eventhough I would love you for a thousand years. Love you for a thousand more. I am still afraid. My heart is broken enough for me to realize I dont want it broken anymore.
tuning to:
I want to do this. For myself. 
